Now, a person coming into my life lends itself to a myriad of complication. First of all, there is the issue of spark that I addressed before, but after that comes the element of lifestyle. BDSM has been a part of my life for almost 20 years, and I do not see it changing anytime in the future.
Sooooo, there is the issue of spark, and of BDSM... Now comes the preferences.
Now, I have had a number of relationships in my life, and I look at them as being learning experiences. Times to recognize what worked and what didn't work for me in relation to relationships. There have been times in my past that I suppressed elements of me for another, sometimes it was ok, other times, not so much.
So what are the things I have learned that I like?
Right out of the gate, since I have declared BDSM as a lifestyle, it is not a preference, it is not optional, and the interesting thing about having a 'lifestyle' is that it gives you a whole other set of preferences to try and mix/meld with the 'common' ones.
Now, while some of these are definitely more important to me than others, I am not listing these in any particular order.
I prefer black women, that are 5'6" or under, large natural breasts, masochistic, perverted (I say that over kinky and I feel perv is a step beyond kink), intelligent, a bit switchy, a little bratty while being baby girlish, no children, interests in the supernatural, a leaning towards silliness and fun but knowing when it is not appropriate, submissive, geeky, dorky, philosophical, (not real good with the sizes, but guessing) size 16 or above, and near my age.
There are definitely more preferences in general, and specific to BDSM, but that gives a quick first brush look... Shouldn't be too hard to find, right???
(Pause for laughter)
Any of you that are familiar with working with sets/subsets, or Venn Diagrams have probably already pictured what I am about to talk about.
Women
Now we reduce it to Women into BDSM,
Then down to Women into BDSM between the age between 30-45,
Women into BDSM between the age between 30-45 that do not have children,
Women into BDSM between the age between 30-45 that do not have children,that are black...
With looking at only 5 of my preferences, how small of a population have I reduced my potential 'pond' too, and let's not even get into how designating pervy preferences bring that 'pond' down to a thimble.
Two of the hardest elements for me so far have been the no kid preference, and the black preference. Finding single women in their 30s-40s without children is not impossible, but not easy, and the same for finding black women into BDSM (esp in the Pacific Northwest), not to mention the aspect that black women sometimes are fetishized by white males, so in interacting and looking for partners, I have to make sure that the individual I am talking to does not think I am just looking to fulfill a fetish fantasy.
Sooooooo..... let's say that I come across someone that ticks off each of the preferences... There still has to be an attraction, there has to be that spark, and most importantly...it all has to be reciprocated.
Now let me say, I know that by having too narrow a focus, I will sabotage myself, and I have had enough relationships to know that there is a great deal of flexibility in all of this...but I also know myself well enough to know that if I do not have 'enough' preferences met... I am always sorta looking... Seeking... Which lends itself to sinking the relationship I am in. I really do not believe that it is a case of the grass is always greener as much as it is a case of being a picky bastard.
